What a wonderful time to try and write a blog. In the middle of a pandemic, one of the craziest elections in US History, Unemployment is the highest it’s been, civil unrest in the country, the list goes on. But what better time to do it then now? That’s assuming everyone is as bored as I am with all of this. Yes, I called 2020 boring. Think about this before you guys jump me on it. Have you ever had so much crazy shit happen to you, that at some point it’s almost abnormal to not have anything going on? I am numb to 2020 and it’s drama. The only way I ever feel as if I can escape the every day normality is by doing things. I am currently working from home (Which I say it’s safe to assume most people in the USA are) and even that is boring. At least feeling like I had something to do even if I was bitching about it everyday wasn’t boring? I am literally home everyday besides the days I visit my mother and my boyfriend and his family. I am the girl who used to go out to clubs in deep Ellum and house parties, went to school in person 4 days a week, while working full time in Real Estate. I was single and was having so much fun mingling and living my best 20’s life. When the pandemic started I figured it would be over in a couple months like everyone else did. It was a weird transition but, a necessary one I have come to find out. I learned in 2020 to appreciate the quietness. I consider myself an extrovert but still have introvert tendencies (if this is even possible, psych’s help me out). It is nice to be in my comfy home all day and not feel like I have to put on my “public face”. As a mater of fact, maybe being forced to essentially live with myself in 2020 has made me grow in ways I didn’t think was possible. I now feel as if my bullshit meter has decreased not just for people but myself too. It is so hard to look deep inside and begin to wonder, am I content with how I am? Well, for me I was not. I couldn’t find out how to say no. Even if my body told me, you don’t want this, why are you doing it? I always lived to please people I loved by doing things I did not like. In a sense, I conformed and remained quiet all the time and I was fine. The saddest part is that I was fine with my life. Living a false life that other people convinced me was the way to be in your 20’s. If you take anything away from this read please let it be the that there is no reason you should not be your true, most authentic form of yourself. If you feel like you aren’t, it’s time to get to work. It is so hard to begin to listen to your inner critic and work on the things that keep you up at night. For me, I had to learn how to say no. I was so scared my friends would get upset or family members would attack me. I began to wonder, so what? Is anyone who refrains me from truly being me worth to have in my life? Yes, that included family members. Immediate ones at that. But I was determined in 2020 to make sure I was living my life on my own accord. I am proud to say I truly believe I am well on my way. While we as human beings do not ever stop learning and can always find ways to improve, I am happy I am this. Which is what led me to start this blog. I enjoy writing and this was the last little piece of my self that I reached deep down to childhood me and decided to bring along. I look in the mirror and feel better, when I lay down at night I feel comfortable. What better time than 2020? This past decade has been one of change and progression to a better future, and what better way to contribute than by working on yourself. These blogs I write will be my true and honest and raw thoughts on events in my life, Valerie unfiltered if you will. This is not for the sensitive, this blog is for the bold, the honest and those who dare to live their life for themselves. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I do writing it.
with Love,
Val
